Excuses Kill Learning

Bad bounces, bad calls, and unlucky outcomes will happen.

Providing our young athletes with those readymade excuses, however, robs them of the chance to practice self-reflection and deprives them of the learn the skill of coaching themselves.

‘Constructive feedback’ is brutally difficult for most adults to receive. It’s often a consequence of not having had the space to practice it while growing up. And sports is the perfect opportunity to do so. Last week’s pain will have a short half-life because sports are often a repeated event that always give you another chance shortly.

We can start training this muscle for our younger athletes by helping them through the reflective process that shows them the undesired outcome is what it is and that in order to get a more desired outcome in the future, they’ll probably need to do something differently.

While we all want to remove the hurt and disappointment from our children (no matter their age), we should hold back from making excuses for them. Instead,

• Acknowledge the disappointment. “That ball that got past you wasn’t what you wanted to happen. I’m sorry that happened and am sure you’re frustrated by it.”

• Ask what they’d do differently next time. “If that kind of play happens again, what would you do differently to make sure you make that play?”

  • Reverse the role. Odds are they won’t give you a great answer the first time through. Instead, let them coach you. “If that were me on the field, how would you coach me to make sure I made the play?”

• Ask them how they’ll remember. Many of us have mental cues we use as a reminder for something we’re practicing. See if you can help them frame one positively. “Attack the ball.” “Finish the play.”

This process blunts the edge of them using the miscue to define who they are. It starts to define the (painful) moment as a potential positive that will make them better. Best of all, it shows them that they have the power do it differently.

It won’t bring about smiles immediately. But that’s okay. Losing and adversity are needed in order to improve. But if this is repeated after every disappointment it’ll build the muscle that helps your athlete become more resilient and a stronger competitor.